dont u just love it?

yes! this is the season to be fat because it is holidays after one another. first will be christmas and in approximately a week later, we will be welcoming the brand new year. there are things that i hate about this festive season but also things that i simply adore.

shop shop shop! that is probably one of the must-do thing. everywhere i go, i see people. not a single inch of space, shoulder to shoulder. i do not know that people can be that close to each other under forced circumstances. i am literally scared of crowded places because of the fear of the fainting spells. breathe in, breathe out, girl! singapore's air quality is not that bad.

a brand new year means time to get the junk out of my space. it is time to spring clean my room which i have not done. i simply do not have to explain myself because my closed friends will know how lazy i can be sometimes. however, this time round, hopefully it will be a major and fruitful project, or rather at least let the change be visible to all.

i dont know why but i always feel excited writing down my closed friends' birthdays in the coming year calendar. it comforts me by telling me that these are the groups of friends who will stick through thick and thin with me for another year. i am not alone! although some friends have been dropped out of the calendar naturally or by force, i have no regrets. it is part and parcel of life, so just embrace it.

i cant help but to feel excited about the holidays and the new year. the holidays are here to reward myself for enduring all the crap that has been happening so far. a new year signifies change and hope. let the past be history and keep moving forward. =)

why am i feeling this way?

why why why? why the hell am i feeling this way now? i am simply grumbling about it right now. i was given an option right from the start but i chose to pick the least favourite of all. am i stupid? this is just so unlike me to do such a thing. no wonder i am feeling so restless the whole day. worry that i will do or say something to ruin the whole thing and anxious that my facial expressions tell it all. oh please! just stop all these from happening and let me feel relieved at the end of the day.

away for almost half an month

taking a break from the notes. i cant believe that i have been studying for everyday since last last sat. i think i am crazy! i am not THAT diligent student. it is just that i leave almost everything to the last minute. this time round, it was due to the tight deadlines for projects and assignments towards the end of the sem. sucks! i am finding an excuse to justify myself. i hate this!

there are 3 things in life that i cannot tolerate. excuses, indecisiveness and grey area.

not sure if it is me or the influence of my secondary school cca, i cannot take excuses. if you had made a mistake, so admit it. why is the point of making excuses to avoid the punishment? it does not salvage the situation, instead it sabotages you because it gives others a bad impression of you. no time is always the common one heard. seriously, i dont believe in the phase no time. everyone in this world has equal share of time each day, 24 hours. if others were able to do it within 24 hours, why cant i? it just boils down to time management. so stop telling myself to push things back because i have no time for it.

given an option, i am sure there must be a preferred one over the other. dont tell me lame stuff like anything, i am fine with both. and the worst is to complain and whine about my decision at the end of the day. if you were really that smart in the first place, why did not u make the choice? i dont understand these people. make a decision, take a stand. is it really that hard for you to do that?

and so this brings me to my third most detest traits of people. i dont like grey areas although they often exist in life. black or white. take your pick. it is either right or wrong. giving others the grey area only add on to their burden and make them think even longer and harder. what is the majority? as long as it is more than 50 percent, can i consider it as the majority? or i should consider the majority when it is close to 100 percent. which to choose from?

why am i thinking of such things now when i am supposed to understand mathematical equations and formulas? back to the notes. =)

finally it is starting

they are finally ending. sigh of relief. this is not a break, just the start of another mugging season. not exactly looking forward, but not dreading it too. mixed feelings i guess.

i am loving my heartland bit by bit everyday. there is starbucks just near by house, like approximately 2 mins away if i walk and 1 min if i run. so it is a piece of good news. more fun! fish and co, thai express, subway, coffee bean, mof jap desserts. omg! i am loving every bit of this new place. hopefully it will last so that my life will be hip and happening. haha.

i finally found the perfect spot. actually i dont really find to look far for it. it is just right at my doorstep. i have been searching for it for a long time because it has not happened yet. it is just a matter of time. so i have decided to keep searching and fighting till i die. who knows, maybe the next step i make, i would achieve what i aim for.

just stay positive and look at the situation in many different angles. a problem right in front of me. i can choose to cry, whine and complain and push all blame to everyone except myself. all in all, i decide to give up. or a better option will be to motivate myself to try harder and ask. i want to choose the former and stay with it for the next few weeks. i want to be a winner and not a quitter.

yeah! let's bring it on now. =)

i am just like her

i did not tell you guys because i hate to see sympathy in your eyes

i heard this line while watching one of my favourites US dramas. i could totally feel connected to this character and it was clear why i like her to bits.

i guess i can describe myself as a time bomb. i dont really like sharing my inner thoughts and feelings with friends and family unless there is a need to or we are really very close. i dont see the need of making people to share my burden. but i think the ultimate reason is i hate to show my weak side to others. without sharing, everything is kept to myself, accumulating bit by bit within. who knows when will i explode and really leave this place?

nobody likes to be weak in comparison to others. i do not like to give up when things get tough. i hate to cry when i am faced with a problem because to me, crying means i am feeling helpless and it sucks. someone told me this before when i was pushed to my limits in secondary school, you cant cry in front of them. if you do, who is going to lead? simple, yet straight to the point.

i guess this is just my way of controlling extreme emotions.

i am not wonderwoman

i am disgusted by the fact that i have approximately 2 weeks to clear 2 projects. out of these 2, the prof claimed that we can finish one within 2 days. of course you can do it because you are the prof and we are the students. add to the crowd, 2 new assignments from that stats prof who doesnt announce any uploads and secretly hope that all students check their email and ivle everyday. have more fun, 2 presentations not done yet. to top it out, 2 end of sem tests next week.

typing this out makes me realise i really have lots of work to do for the next 2 weeks before i go for my study break. this is a classic example of squeezing every single drop of water out of us. dont the prof communicate or at least lunch together because they seem to be some pathetic souls, camping in their offices, staring at the screens and plotting new ways to kill us all? well, i think they did a pretty decent job here.

2 more weeks and probably a short break like a few hours and off to mugging for the big EXAMINATIONS. yeah! all the way.

xiaoyee's 23rd birthday

24 oct 08 is the day i had been looking forward to for the past few weeks. thinking of ways to make it special to surprise him. i want to make it the best because it is my first time celebrating his birthday alone with him.

we did and ate everything he loves. watching tropic thunder (damn! it was hilarious), eating the impossible dim sum and sun with moon! it was a rather private and quiet birthday. not exactly the typical birthday when you have groups of friends gather together and giving you their best wishes. i kinda like the former. at least i dont have to entertain the guests with a few sentences and hope they will feel at home. so just put away the social entertaining.

yeah! finally you are 23-years-old. hope you had fun and enjoyed your birthday. love you. =)

just another night

this is one of those nights which i missed. just sitting in front of the TV with my mum, chatting. occasionally i would laugh at her because she usually fell asleep in front of the TV and claimed that she wanted to watch TV. tonight, it was a serious talk.

she could not see my efforts. was it i did not try hard enough or she did not understand? i did not explain much because she could forget something i told her a few weeks ago, so why bother. i just sat there and listened.

although she did not say it directly, i could sense she has high hopes on me. something like to be as good or even better than my sister. she would not approve any arguement on this. stress? definitely, but i have to take it as a good motivation. i have always told myself that i must do well in the future so that i could provide her a good retirement. she would not have to work this hard anymore. now, how should i define 'well'?

put the serious stuff aside. it is only the weekend.

throat infection

today was the most horrible, painful test i had ever taken. my health is failing me recently. i thought all was well last week but no! the throat infection is still there, leading to this fever i am having now. gross! i think it is time for me to purge out all the toxics in my body, probably readjust my body alarm to a slightly healthy one, and yes, move my body a little bit more.

this failing health. boring. sucks. maybe i am not handling things well within my control. maybe i should learn to let things go sometimes. maybe i should learn how to relax. damn.

i am going to be a real good girl, camp and lock myself in my room, rest and take my medicine. i am going to get my pink health back in no time. =) just wait and see.

travelling

dont u just love travelling programmes on TV? you can go around the world at the comfort of your home. looking at interesting places and learning new facts about people and culture that you never realize. ultimately, making a decision to go on a tour when you are free someday.

yes! that is what i am feeling exactly when i was watching my lunch time programme just now. they went to germany and i was attracted to every sight, colour and flavour of the place. that is one of the countries i really want to visit. europe! a totally different experience from asia.

i always wanted to go backpacking around the world, something like around the world in 80 days. bt seriously, will i ever have the financial ability and time to do so? living in fast-paced singapore, i can hardly find time to catch my breath. bringing the necessities, my laptop to write about all my wonderful experiences and my handphone for emergency matters. travelling from one stop to another, embracing everything with no plan in mind. i just want to know more about everything.

if and only if i can put everything on hold and go on an amazing trip, i may or may not be a better and happier person. guess i am tired from school and dying for a break. i have been sick of school since last week and this mid term break isnt helping much. damn. guess the break will come eventually after next week.

i guess it is only through tough times and i will appreciate the people around me. unfortunately i fell sick on the last day of the mid term. it totally ruined our mamma mia movie trip. really super duper sorry because i know you are a hard core fan of movies, espcially musicals. must be the unhealthy meals i had been having for the past few weeks. if not, i seriously couldnt find the source of my virus infection unless it was the bacteria i handled with at lab the day before.

cheering me up with cleo magazine, constant reminders to take my medicine regularly, running around spore under the hot hot weather to get my laptop fixed, getting dinner and lunch, today, for me when i was sick. well, all i have to say is a big big thank you with a big big smile and big big hug. these will always remind me why i love you so much. =)

mum was back over the weekend. very much i would want to spend sometime with her but i had to kindly reject her vivo shopping offer because i had to stay at home because i wasnt fully recovered yet. i wanted to watch some tv programmes with her and laughed at her at the end of the show for sleeping all those while. i miss those moments with mum at home. i really do miss her a lot.

start to appreciate my loved ones. =)

jayden's 1st mth

cannot drink the mango juice in the refrigerator ah. dad bought that for mum

haha. yup, i received that wink from my sis and couldnt help it but to smile. today is jayden's 1st mth celebration and of course i bought him a present, my mommy hippo and me clothes.


my family whom i treasured


happy parents!


my eye candy is sleepy

no idea

ok. i have completely no idea what had happened to my yummi-cious candy skin. i guess the owner must be mad at me for not leaving his/her name under credits and decides to ban me from using it anymore. and so, i am back to my long-last-must-do-thing-online, blogskin hunting.

if and only if everyday could be like this. carefree, feeling that time never ends, the sun never sets. i get to surf the net a little when i am sick of the books. meanwhile, waiting for my new addiction, gossip girl, to load. and when my mind feels that it has rested enough, it is back to studying. no pressure, no constraints. will this ever make studying more enjoyable and productive? i doubt so.

i am glad that i still have a close group of girlfriends and boyfriends with me all these years. i cant help but to feel proud of them when they achieve something in their respective areaa. even if it is just a smile from the prof, it happifies me. dont get the wrong idea, i am definitely not an easily contented girl. it just feels good when i know my friends are doing well, or at least enjoying what they are doing now.

ok, that's all for today. maybe it is time to kick my addiction.

sth bad is brewing

it was supposed to be a happy event but things arent exactly going in the right direction anymore. things have developed to this stage and i know it is pointless to point the finger at anyone now. however, my gut feeling tells me that the root problem has always been around.

i understand you are eager to patch things up, to make it be like before. but can you please discuss with the others invloved before making the decision in their place? nobody likes to be forced into doing anything or anywhere they dun like. dont think everything you said or did is always right.

i understand you dont have the full ability to do what is needed then why didnt you voice it out in the first place? look at what had happened because you refuse to share. why be afraid of him? you know yourself best. even if you are going in the opposite direction, so be it. as long as it is justified, what is there to be scare of? now, we are talking about gender equality.

i understand your frustrations at how things are becoming now. but what is the point of raising your voice at her, and pushing all the blame to her? it is just not fair! not imposing your stand on us. if you ask me, i think everything begins with you. you are the one who answered the call and decided without considering her situation.

i am not helping in this anymore. i am just going to do whatever i can to help her.

something is wrong

a grey gloomy sky is what i get for the past few days. i am unsure if i am the kind of person whose mood changes with the weather but i am definitely feeling the same way as it is now. i miss the sunlight to brighten up my every morning. i want the happy cheerful morning when i have to drag myself out of my bed but not the rainy mornings when i just want to lie in bed.

there is so much negativity storing inside me now. i dont know where does it come from? i dont know what has happened to me. i can still laugh and joke around with friends but the grey cloud lingers above me. i am unknowingly or knowingly shutting myself out from him.

maybe tomorrow i will find my way home.

my 1st nephew!!!!!

yeah!!!! my sis has finally given birth today to a beautiful baby boy on the 18 aug 08. haha. this isnt exactly my first time being an aunty because some of my cousins actually have kids now but this time round it is different. he is my sis's son, definitely a lot closer to heart. haha. i am so going to love him.

went to visit my sis after school today and had a shock of my life when i saw her. her face was like pale white. omg! imagine all the pain and the amount of exhaustion she had to experience to give live to this baby boy. yes, mothers are the world's most noble person. love all mums, especially my mum and sis.

i hope she recover well and fast and yes, my nephew is going to be a fine young man. =)

national day 2008

yesterday was national day and this year round, i din spend the day in front of the tv, wishing i would be at the grand stand, watching the fireworks display. =) wells, i went for the ndp preview so i pretty much had watched the parade. so it was alright for me to give the parade and mass display a miss since i knew what would be happening. and so, dabai and i went to marina bay to watch the fireworks.

that wasnt the original plan but we changed it at the very last minute. he had no choice but to agree to it because his girlfriend wanted it. haha. i think generally girls just love fireworks. they were short-lived but that magical moment when they went off in the dark sky against the cityhall landscape seemed like a life time. they were just superb. the feeling was beyond words to have fireworks exploring right behind my own eyes. love it lots!!!

hoping to test my assumption was right, i contacted pee to check if she would be interested to catch the display. and i was right! it was great watching fireworks with good company. =) i remembered last year there was a fireworks event after the national day. i wondered if the same event will be back this year.

tomorrow is a new sem and a new academic year. embrace everything that comes along with an open mind and determined heart. i know i am going to make it through with you beside me. jiayou!!! the WAT friends are finally back in spore. woohoo!

conflicting

sometimes i find myself a conflicting person. the way my mind works doesnt tally with what i said. although i said it is alright for me, when the 'if situation' happens to me, i will feel the exact opposite. oh my! why is this mask doing on my face?

do i have to force a smile when i want to cry? do i have to say it is alright when deep down inside, i know i am feeling crap? do i always have to be the chatty and happy girl to convince you that i am perfectly ok?

it sucks when i know it hurts to tell the truth. crap!

japan trip!!!

i am finally back from my japan trip. not exactly as fun as what i expected mainly because of the tour!!! i think the key factor to a fun tour is the itnerary and then the tour guide. the itnerary is super good on paper but due to the poor time management and money-minded tour guide, super good became lousy.

he committed the very first rule a tour guide should never break. he left 4 members of the group along the streets and the bus drove off without them. he did not do a head count before that. omg!!! luckily, my family saw them on the streets if not i dont dare to imagine what will happen next.

on our very first day, we saw many goodies we wanted to buy but we were hesistant. we had to change hotel everyday so having too many luggages is very troublesome. furthermore, the guide told us that he would be bringing to places where we could see the same things again. and so, we stupidly believe in his words. i only managed to find the raisin and cream cookies at the airport and never saw the melon jelly we had at otaru. most of the goodies i brought back from japan were bought at this snack shop at the mrt station. luckily my dad and i decided to went out to walk around the hotel that night to see if we can get any stuff because by that second last night at hokkaido, we had not gotten anything yet. so can you imagine how desperate i was at that moment to get my hands on hokkaido snacks!!!

for me, the highlights for the trip were the lavendar farm, the white chocolate factory and the asahi beer factory. what was most frustrating was that we spent a total of 2 hours plus at both the white chocolate and asahi beer factory. damn! super pissed that day. it was not the group's fault for the tight schedule. it was due to the poor time management of the guide. usually, a group would spend at most 1.5 hours at the eating place. but my group was different. we could spend like more than 2 to 2.5 hours at the dining place. most of the places had their own shops outside the resturants. and i am sure that guide earned some commission from our purchases at that shop. even when most of us were just hanging around, talking, waiting to move on to the next destination, the guide still did not mention anything about moving on. omg!! so much unnecessary time was wasted.

and the food was another disappointment. i seem to be eating the same food everyday. steamboat, buffet, hotplate, and the cycle just repeats. irritating!!! the buffets were the most irritating part. they were those buffets at the hotels which is super cheapstake. damn!! i was so angry with the guide that i told my dad not to give him too much tips and wrote super negative comments on the feedback form. angry!!!

one trip down, another one coming up. yeah!! super exciting because we finally decided where to go for the 4 days. everything seems to be going fine now and i hope it would be fun fun fun. yes! cant wait. =)

july is here!!

the boring job is finally over! no more waking up at 8am and i did not have to spend effort to tell myself why i was there during the 9 painful hours out of house. but i have to say my ic is super nice. i was quite shocked that she gave me a gift when i was about to leave. woah! super nice gesture and i really appreciated it a lot. i guess that it is exactly what i am always lacking in, the personal human touch.

and so my dear july is finally here!!! i am going for 2 trips this month and i am flying off for my first trip tmr. not exactly super super excited about it because i have been going out since my work ended. i did not have a chance to really nua at home the whole day yet. i guess the excitement will be there once the tour starts. cant wait to go to the white choco factory, the BEER FACTORY, (yup, u do not see wrongly, BEER FACTORY with FREE FLOW of beer. omg! hate me eve if you are reading this. haha), eating fresh strawberry at the farm and the pretty lavender farms. hope the trip will be fun fun fun fun. =)

miss all!

love

love is so fragile. i have watched both the anime and the movie once but i am watching the movie again this evening. i dont know what is the magic of these 2 nana but i just love them. 2 completely different girls, with the same name and birthday, who met on the train. how their lives crossed each other and i like the fact that the anime protrays the girlfriends are always there and understand you.

i never fail to feel digested by this innocent, cute nana's boyfriend, shoji. he cheated on her when she was trying her best in this foreign land to be independent. she has some serious long term plans with him and he actually fell in love with another girl. what an ass, seriously!! and the worst thing was he chose to run away when he realised he was in deep shit. jerk!!!

seriously, i do hate guys who run away when they are faced with a problem. running away isnt the best and only solution to the problem. your absence actually worsens the problem unknowingly. you think that running away is giving each other some space and time to think about it and probably things will be fine after a few days. how naive! dont leave everything to chance. if you arent going to work hard, you would only be getting peanuts. so, stop running away and face the problem like a man.

at work

omg! my first entry at work. which of the jobs that i had so far gives me the luxary of blogging at work? even so, i cant wait for 4 jul to come and this is just one of the reasons. i managed to beat the rain, bought my lunch and came back to office dry. =) on my way back to the office, it started to drizzle. and so, let's hope today is my lucky day.

life has been boring. it is the 9 to 6 office work that is draining all my happiness away. when i start working, i must really really find something that i like and enjoy doing. i seriously cant picture myself experiencing this all over again a few years later.

see, i dont have anything else to blog about. damn it!!!! i hate this place. fat, have fun at japan and come back fast!!!!!

coldplay!

i simply adore coldplay. =) kinda regretted not going to their concert in singapore 2 years ago. damn it! i am sure they will be back in singapore soon. please start your asia/world tour soon. i was listening to one of their songs, lost, from the new album. omg! the very first sentence gave me goosebumps. it is kinda like the yellow feeling. seriously, just listen to the music because i know my words will not give the song any justice.

Just because I'm losing
Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I will cross

Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve
No better and no worse

I just got lost
Every river that I've tried to cross
And every door I ever tried was locked
And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off

You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn't mean you've won
'Cause along may come
A bigger one
And you'll be lost

Every river that you tried to cross
Every gun you ever held went off
And I'm just waiting till the firing starts
And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off

office life

awkwardly silent. nothing at all. just random typing on the keyboard and the clicking of the mouse. occassionally, a few sneezings could be heard. boring! this is the kind of office i entered every morning. seriously, this sucks! where is the morning rush that i need to enjoy? where is the common shoutings from the offices? why dont the telephones ring? everything plays in only one tone.

i shant learn not to complain. afterall it is just a temporary job. it is not like i have to work my ass off to earn a promotion or pay rise. i am just there to suck some blood out of the big boss. i need cash for my bangkok holiday-ing. so hopefully i will be able to get the job goi recommended and quit the current on by the end of the month. seriously, a slack job is a lifeless job. and it drains my energy out of me faster than ever. bored!

go go go!

chances

do not wait till a tomorrow comes. chances are like fireworks. their presence can be felt bt it is short. how many times have i let chances slip through my fingers? many, i guess. and so what had came out of it? regret! i hate the word if. just like what one of my friends always said, it is a conditional word. if the first case doesnt happen, the second case will not be the result. to me, if is just a comforting word, to make oneself not feel bad after the mess.

i do not want to live in the world of if anymore. i cant stand the smiling faces and the pretendence that nothing has happened before. is it just me or them? i am feeling this way now is probably because i am always standing at the same spot, whereas they have accepted and moved on with life. and so, they are better than me in a sense. gosh! is it really time for me to migrate?

facing a mess that i had created, not knowing how and where to clear up from. it is really nothing but i just cannot cross my personal obstacle. i am causing so much unhappiness that i feel like crap. no! i dont want to go back in time. chances only happen once and for a reason. if i missed it, that's it. no point crying to go back in time. hang on!

being happy

i manage to get my hands on jason mraz latest album recently, listening to the songs right now in this hot night. i dont know why but his music has this power to make me happy and want to listen to on a lazy night. everything is right now, except a missing cosy sofa with some hot chocolate by a fireplace.

stay happy! that is the only positive energy around me to make me feel that all these years are worthwhile. no more petty thoughts.

over!

the dreadful exams are finally out!

last night was totally insane, because i went out with kns (pee, eve, mh, peiwen, woon, lydia, liting, dabai, sai) to celebrate pee and eve 21st bday. smart me plan a mini cupcake surprise for both the bday girls with sai. yesyes, our dearest pee's bf, ryan SAI. haha. one bf is never enough for kns to torture and so dabai was pulled there too. =) going out with this batch of crazy girls up till today is the best thing that can happen to me. although it was super shagged (strictly not due to the rushing to the airport to send eve off after our dinner), it was fun fun FUN! laughing at each other's stupidity, making a fool out of ourselves in the public and getting unfriendly stares from passers-by. we are always living in our mini kns world whenever we are out. inconsiderate, some may say bt fun is what we are cared about. now, i have to wait for our dear dear eve to be back from thailand to get the photos from her.

my ally since sec3 and goi are flying to usa soon. omg! so fast. i am so going to miss them during these 3 months. choo wants to travel too. =)

get well soon!

it sucks to fall sick, especially during exam period when you definitely need to be at your top form to face all challenges. no comfort food when you feel like sleeping or no snacks to reward yourself after a hard day at work. sucks! i hate the feeling and i know you too. so please take good care of yourself and jiayou! recover fast!

update!

many many events happen so far. went for many 21st party, had bday celebrations and went out with dabai. =) too many things to talk about. i am lazy so i should just upload the pretty photos.


dingod's bday celebration


funky snapshot!


glad's party


glad's party


KNS (we miss fat!)


KNS bday celebration


dabai!


toy's museum


pee, liting and i


pretty babe 21st birthday


donuts! =)

time to put a stop to the fun and get back to business.

i want my health back

i have not been feeling well for the past few days. sucks! no more feeling guilty for abandoning my 2 project groups to let them die on their own on mon and tues. i made the right choice to come home early to rest so that i would be a burden for them. more time to rest means i will recover faster and then i can join them in action sooner. yeah!!!!

seriously, it is boring to get sick. nothing to do at home except to rest, eat and take medicine. the worst part is having to swallow the horrible pills which have magical powers that can cure me. omg! i seriously hate them. totally lost my sense of taste. find no joy in eating anymore. bleah!

luckily, i am feeling much much btr now. not 100% fine but at least i am recovering. thanks all for showing care and concern and of course, nagging at me. yupyup. i have finally realised how scary being a workaholic can be. i will strike for a balance. =) meanwhile, i just want to shout it out loud. I WANT TO BE HEALTHY AND FINE AGAIN!

work work, never ending!

the amount of work that i have right now is over-towering me pretty soon. i dont understand where do they all come from? my close friends should know pretty well that i am the kinda person who die die have to finish the work for today before hitting the bed. this drive is no longer as strong as a few years back but its presence can be felt. and so what happens where the stubborn choo is back? her body starts to go on a strike.

i can feel my body slowly breaking down bit by bit. some is entirely not my fault, like the stupid dinner experience at my favourite curry wok! never go there late at night anymore. =( headache came after the fever. i dont know. my body just doesnt feel right, totally shitty.

i have reached my max pt of being a workaholic. i truly need a day of not doing anything, just resting and more resting. =) or maybe i should shower more often like 4 times per day? i just realised showering makes me feel good among all these shit.

man eating world

outwit, outplay and outlast. this should be my new philosophy. this is something that i must learn how and to perfect it well in order to survive in this man eating world. i had witnessed selfish and self-centered acts happening right before my very own eyes which seriously disgusted me.

everyone is in this paper chase. we all want to ace and be the best. somewhere along the way, some of them have lost their human touch which is truly saddening. what is the point of fighting over just to get the questions answered? i thought papers always commented singaporeans are among the most obedient lot of people. where is the order? or maybe i should start to change my mindset because in the future, only competitive people are the last ones standing.

personal gains, personsal advanatage, personal point of view! what is wrong with all this personal issues? start thinking for the majority! stop thinking everything starts and ends with you. there are so many other reasonable and logical factors to consider so i beg you to start thinking, even for a fraction of second. start using it before it rusts. argh!

seriously, today is just a wrong wrong day. it should have been proclaimed as a holiday. i dont understand the frustration that is building within me. there are so many millions people out there who have even more serious problems to handle but i dont know why i am so irritated over mine. it is always bothering me at night and the thought of A will lead to B, C, D and slowly, everything goes back to the same original source which has angered me for so many years. when will i be able to accept it as a matter of fact and come to terms to what's done cannot be undone.

i am just shouting a silent scream.

he knows magic

this guy knows magic perfectly well.


at sun and moon


puff up!


yummy tofu dessert


after the esplande concert


vivo!


laser display


songs of the sea!


teddy bear!!!


me with oscar

is it good?

i once told a friend that why he should not hide his feelings to himself. if he was sad, he should learn to sad. if he was happy, he should learn to laugh. however, my stand was challenged today.

i am the kind of girl who shows all my emotions on my face. my friends have extremely no problems in knowning my mood for that day. although i may have a stern face or am super unhappy with something, all i ask from them is just a few minutes of alone time. i need it as a buffer to cool my head and to think through. when i reply with nothing, is because i dont want to hurt anyone with my words. i know myself very well. i am afraid i would say or do hurtful things which i wish it would never happen.

enough of serious stuff. i am super happy today! it is declared as MY DAY. =)

struck me

it kinda struck me today. why am i not doing what i promised myself? there is definitely a huge inertia in me to start things going. i still dont feel the urgency because it is still the beginning of the nightmare. i guess i need to experience the same old shit again to shake me up.

yucks! i hate myself for allowing hipcups to motivate myself. i seem to have lost the old karen somewhere along the way. it is time to bring her back and yup, not to give up.

have not been feeling good about myself recently.

hope

we need hope to live on. we want to wake up to a sunny morning, with something to look forward to in the day. nobody likes to play in a dark and gloomy day. we just run away and hide under a shelter. however, sometimes it is just not within our control.

life can never be smooth sailing and if you do have one, let me tell you something. I AM JEALOUS! the degree of destruction varies individually. getting bad results can be a heart crashing moment for a results orientated individual but nothing to someone who has came to terms with it. it really depends on how well one handles the damage and the area of destruction can always be minimized.

escape could be one of the solutions. though it may not be the best solution for all, in a way or another, our body functions in that way unknowningly sometimes. i shant run anymore! does that sound familiar? i do convince myself to face the problem and seek a solution. whether the solution will work or not, it will be another story.

during these few months, i am glad i have found my shelter in him. always trying his best to help me whenever he can. so yup, thanks! =) i will wake up with a smile on my face everyday regardless the weather outside.

21st party

i dont know what i had done to my friends to deserve such a treatment from them on my 21st party. did i do anything that is unforgivable? seriously, i am having a love hate relationship with all of them. i will remember all the faces and make sure they pay back the same amount of even worse on their bdays.

haha. obviously, I DO LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS DEEP DEEP! why would i ever hate them for planning a k bash for me? just a short introduction of what k bash means. literally, it means karen! be afraid, suffer here! all my friends, kns, nj and nus came out with all ways out to get me. their objective is to see me ie a horrible death at my party.

kns knows i hate veg the most and they had to get me a veg sandwich from nydc!!! omg!!! the sandwich was nice because luckily the veg were those limited veg that i eat. haha. but under pee's threatenings, i was forced to eat the salad that came along with the sandwich. i guess that will be my first and only chance eating salad. haha.

i guess my nj frens are STILL BITTER over the carnivore treat 2 years ago. their sweet revenge continued. =( as a form of respect, i had to finish all 21 shots of weird combinations drinks they made. in running order, apple cereal, bean sprout juice, century egg milkshake, hot chocolate, cream of mushroom, cheesecake, green apple juice, almond cream, 100% lemon and lime juice, chunky monkey, dabai tun nai tang, grass jelly juice, green tea, soya bean and sauce and red bean, bloody mary, mustard shoes, loveletter, smelly tofu, espresso dinosaur and soda water. dun be deceived by the names. the combinations are super frightening like kang kong juice, chicken feet, mayo. omg! why do i have friends like them? for the fun of everything, bring it on! luckily i am not suffering from any serious stomache now. =)

i was stupid enough to order a strawberry shortcake with lots of cream. i didnt realize that in the first place. seriously, i would rather get a nice cake than to avoid the cream. yup, so our dearest ex chairman ghim collected all the cream from all pru cake and smashed it on my face. omg!!! before that, my kns had already smashed my face. so can you please imagine the smell on my face? it totally stinks like rotten eggs. =(

seriously, i really appreciate everyone's help and contribution in making k bash a successful event. though i have never seen a bday person so pitiful before, i had fun and hope everyone did as well. i was happy to know that even for friends who cannot be with me at the party, their best wishes still reach me. =) liting, hope your hall production went fine and yes, we must go out and pamper ourselves one day okay? i need a break after my event. =) and fat!!! thanks for the sunflower. it never fails me to make me smile. i will wait patiently for your parcel to arrive. thanks babe!!

finally, must thank my parents for helping me to do all the backstage work for the party. without them, i guess the whole house will still be in a mess when all my guests left. thanks for loving this stubborn and childish me. and also, to dabai, thanks for enduring all the shit with me and my bad bad temper. sorry to make you worry sometimes. i will be a good girl!

so happy birthday to me! be and behave like an adult. hope everything will go well for me and everyone! =) cheers to 21!

start

this holidays had been a mad rush. the number of full days spent at home lazing around can be counted with a pair of hands. bascially it can be summarized with 2 words, PRU and PLAY. calling and meeting sponsors, had not been much a help at SLC, going out with friends and dabai, spending some time with fat, chaleting with kns and new year celebrations with goi and dingod. my holidays had endless activities!

a new sem is starting tmr means it is time for me to buck up again! i will try to go for all lectures and tutorials. i dont understand why the pig genes in me are damn active now. need to study real hard or else i will kick my own ass. =)

i find the connection between humans rather strange. the pegnant wife is happy when she can feel the heartbeat of the little one. friends can read you like a book, while some arent even close to that. your family understands you and forgives all mistakes you did. well, i simply dont bother to care.

a brand new start to everything. cheers! =)